We know that Halloween can be a terrifying night. A night when even the most simple and joyful things, like ordering takeaway, can become scary. As Trick or Treaters descend on your house relentlessly hunting for sweets, the normally reassuring knock on your front door starts to fill you with dread.
Well, worry no more because we have created your ultimate Halloween survival guide. Get to know your enemy by reading our Trick or Treater profiles and learn how to recognise the only knock that matters tonight, the one from your hero, your Just Eat delivery driver.
The Candy Crusher
It will likely be a nervous five year old, with a bit of snot still running from their nose
Recognise them by: a feeble ring of the doorbell.
Description: Probably dressed as a star or as a Teletubby. They’re also known as ‘The Spiders’ because they inspire an irrational fear, but are ultimately more scared of you than you are of them.
The Candy Crusher is one of the easiest types of Trick or Treater to dispel, but careful not to fall into a false sense of security. The night is long and full of (young) terrors…
Survival tip: You can just pretend you never even heard their faint knock in the first place. Double glazed windows help drown out the sound, otherwise ensure you have an extremely yappy dog at hand: extra protection.
Don’t forget, this is only the first obstacle. To make sure you get that piping hot meal safely, you’ll need to endure a few more challenging invaders.
The Mischief Maker
Probably a gang of 12 year olds. Probably on their hoverboards.
Recognise them by: Persistent knocking, followed by brash remarks.
Description: They’re definitely too old for this. ‘Aren’t kids meant to grow up faster now? Why aren’t they snaptweeting or instafacing?!’ you think to yourself. A part of you can’t help but think that they don’t even need masks: puberty is scary enough as it is.
You might even feel a tinge of sympathy. Be careful! Don’t allow nostalgia to weaken your resolve. This lot are a lot tougher than the Novices and are not afraid to follow through with their ‘tricks.’
Survival tip: All hands on deck with this one. For once, attack is not the best form of defence, this time it’s all about stealth. Turn off your lights and switch off the telly. Double glazing won’t cut it on it’s own this time and thick curtains are highly recommended. Oh and that yappy dog? Best keep it quiet.
You’re half way through the night now. The order is on its way and you can feel excitement building. Keep calm and stay focused.
The Twilight Trickster
They could be any age, any height and ready to go to any lengths.
Recognise them by: these are the hardest to spot. They will drop the traditional squeal of ‘trick or treat!’ for, ‘your Just Eat is here!’ to deceive you. They’re cunning. They’re the Twilight Tricksters.
Description: they’ll be wearing camo and communicate with each other only via walkie-talkies. They’ve been studying you for weeks. They’ve even waited until later on in the evening, knowing that this is the time you normally order takeaway.
You’re almost impressed by their dedication, but quickly change your mind when you realise they’ve gone through all this effort for sweets you bought exactly a year ago to ward them off.
Survival tip: This is the toughest Trick or Treater to dispel. We suggest you write a secret knock for your delivery driver in the comments sections when you order takeaway (it works everytime).
The end is in sight, your delivery driver just round the corner. Make sure you only stir once the secret knock is performed.
The Pestering Parent
Kids aren’t even the worst part. It’s all about these two.
Recognise them by: the subtle mutter under their breath that says ‘the spirit of Halloween is not like it used to be.’ No, we don’t know what that means either.
Description: It will definitely be Karen and Ian from down the road. You know, the ones that complain to the headteacher when their son isn’t chosen to be the lead role in the school play.
This one is can be brutal. They will knock more than once and may even try to ring you.
Survival tip: Stay silent. Stay strong. We’re not saying there won’t be consequences to this one. Expect passive-aggressive Facebook statuses, a lack of Christmas cards and definitely forget your invite to next year’s street BBQ.
You’ve got this, your Just Eat order is near. Just keep the eyes on the prize.
The Masked Rider
This is your knight in high-vis armour, this is your delivery driver.
Recognise them by: thunderous rumbling in the distance followed by a cloud of smoke. It could be a car or a scooter. Either way, you know it’s a positive sound.
Description: A mysterious figure jumps off the vehicle. He has a normal body but a big, big head. Or maybe just a big, big bag. Both are great signs.
You nervously peep through the curtains. He’s slowly walking towards your door. Is it just you or is he moving in slow motion? He’s just so majestic. It can only be one person and one person alone: your delivery driver.
Survival tip: You survived! Whether it’s a comforting curry, a cheeky Chinese or tasty Thai, your hero is here and he’s delivered your perfect night in. He made it. You made it.
The doorbell rings and it sounds like a choir of angels. You are reunited with your one true love: your takeaway.
There’s only one flavour saviour this Halloween. Will you let the right one in tonight?